Trust our ship of hearts
Will ebb among flowing tides
To land ashore… Home
As 2015 peeks around the sun making her descent in a Western sky, it is time to bid adieu to the year in my rearview…
2014. I am in awe. In awe at all that was, has been, and promises to be. Many challenges, many hoorahs, many tears, some good-byes, some re-acquaintances. Bruised some hearts, including my own. Fallen into the abyss and pulled my way back out. When anxiety knocked, I prevailed. When depression shadowed my soul, I searched for the bright, shining light all around. I accepted challenges; which scared me beyond recognition of the brave, strong-willed girl I know myself to be. I cried out of fear when I didn’t believe in myself. I repeatedly fell into the arms of someone who never seems to lose faith. Sainthood should prevail here.
I climbed, crawled, ran, pulled, hoisted, swam, threw, slid, traversed, and scaled my way through ¾ of the year. In mud. With some of the best friends a girl could find. I found a strength I never knew I had. I spread love of fitness and health in three countries. I poured that same love out to many trusting souls right here in SC. Many days all while searching for a lifeline myself.
I wrote. Until my heart bled. Until the anxiety poured out of me. Creativity seeped from me. Nature influenced me. Photography inspired me. I saw this beautiful world with bright, new, shining eyes. I chased the dawn of day and sunsets every chance I got. I learned amazing things about myself through my daily surroundings. And yet, I still struggled with the reoccurring themes of my life that love to creep in again like old, welcome friends. I have learned, too, that there are lessons in the questions. And beauty in the lessons. And that above all, I am beauty. Equally so in both the dark and the shining moments that shape my days and years.
I felt invisible, invalid, unworthy, and sad from the negative self-talk. I rebounded with strength, reclaimed the most important things in life, and slowed down enough to hear my heart speak and my soul hum. I am still learning to listen to the Universal truths and not just my own.
Cancer became a four-letter word in my family and has taken a backseat for now. Praise. And hallelujah. And AMEN…
So many struggles. The most challenging year. But the most rewarding growth. Powerful year of recognition and gloves off kind of grappling. Sitting alone with myself. Searching. Digging. Finding words. And honoring. I am done. Done with the lessons you cast my way. Done with self I have outgrown. Even in future repetitions, I will honor the transformation in each new layer slayed.
2015… I can only hope you are as full of adventure and expansion. Time to test the waters. Step in. Let’s go for a swim.
Do you ever wake up and the first thought is… “Wow! This is my life!!” I think often times life becomes so mired in progress, goals, achievement, and deadlines that we forget to acknowledge the beauty of the journey itself. We forget that there are miracles all around and inside each of us.
When is the last time you thanked your body for being the healing vessel that it is? Do you treat it with the respect it deserves? In a world full of technology and big corporation… have you taken the time to marvel at the astoundingly complicated and intricate form that is your very own body? We build elaborate, mind-blowing techie stuff. We create start-ups that earn enough to wipe out world hunger… and then some. We bow to big pharma as the answer to our every ache, pain and DIS-ease. When will the time come that the most precious of inventions finally becomes the thing we protect and nurture the most? Ourselves. Our bodies. Our spirits. Our health and happiness. Our vitality. Our youth (YES! Even with each passing year… We can maintain the youthfulness that is so desired. It just takes work, patience and a lot of understanding.)
Start today with a little gratitude and love for another day! Abundance is all around you and just needs a spark of recognition and reverence from time to time to manifest many more blessings than imaginable. Now… I’m off to chase the Seattle sunrise…
I enter through an open doorway not knowing what awaits on the other side. I find a laborer on his knees scrubbing the floor. He does not return my gaze, focusing solely on his task. As I float along, I hear chanting and slight drumroll in the distance. Jasmine fills the air and permeates the senses. My skin glistens in moisture from the balmy air. It pricks and burns in anticipation of ritual, silence, offering, and deep devotion. The warm breeze rustles my skirts and carries them about me in a dance of abandon. Am I ready? The answer is… YES! I have wanted, needed, craved this very experience for decades. This moment in time to be alone with myself. To clear my mind. To quiet the body. To enter into communion with ancestral memory. To at once become one and whole.
My vow of silence has already begun. I can feel myself falling away. Tuning in. Checking out. I cross a threshold on the opposite side of the veranda. There is a collective energy that instantly shifts. The room is sparsely occupied. All bowing or kneeling in prayer and meditation. I take my seat. Find comfort. Begin.
I am novice. My mind is willful as a child. Constantly running off toward the next sparkly thought. Begging for attention. Punching, hitting, screaming for the front and center spot. I find myself, at first, anxious and disheartened. I hold on. The thoughts can be tamed. I have the ability to honor them. Look at them squarely and then turn away. Quietly. I sit.
As my breathing slows, I am greeted in peace. Deeply seated and overpowering. I find my body in an easeful state that is not often attainable. The floor supports. The ceiling contains. The heart swells. The love washes my spirit. I have already found what I came for. I sit. I breathe. I slowly let go of thought, noise, ego, space, and time. Measurement of seconds, minutes, hours is of no importance. The devotion to self and honoring of the spirit are limitless and soothing. I bow to the ego and watch as it falls away. I bow to the soul and watch it flourish and reveal. This revelation calls me to choose mindfully the nourishment of all that I hold dear… at all cost. This is my time. Time to slow. Time to be. Me.
Love & Light