Category Archives: laughbeams

Adieu…

As 2015 peeks around the sun making her descent in a Western sky, it is time to bid adieu to the year in my rearview…

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2014. I am in awe. In awe at all that was, has been, and promises to be. Many challenges, many hoorahs, many tears, some good-byes, some re-acquaintances. Bruised some hearts, including my own. Fallen into the abyss and pulled my way back out. When anxiety knocked, I prevailed. When depression shadowed my soul, I searched for the bright, shining light all around. I accepted challenges; which scared me beyond recognition of the brave, strong-willed girl I know myself to be. I cried out of fear when I didn’t believe in myself. I repeatedly fell into the arms of someone who never seems to lose faith. Sainthood should prevail here.

I climbed, crawled, ran, pulled, hoisted, swam, threw, slid, traversed, and scaled my way through ¾ of the year. In mud. With some of the best friends a girl could find. I found a strength I never knew I had. I spread love of fitness and health in three countries. I poured that same love out to many trusting souls right here in SC. Many days all while searching for a lifeline myself.

I wrote. Until my heart bled. Until the anxiety poured out of me. Creativity seeped from me. Nature influenced me. Photography inspired me. I saw this beautiful world with bright, new, shining eyes. I chased the dawn of day and sunsets every chance I got. I learned amazing things about myself through my daily surroundings. And yet, I still struggled with the reoccurring themes of my life that love to creep in again like old, welcome friends. I have learned, too, that there are lessons in the questions. And beauty in the lessons. And that above all, I am beauty. Equally so in both the dark and the shining moments that shape my days and years.

I felt invisible, invalid, unworthy, and sad from the negative self-talk. I rebounded with strength, reclaimed the most important things in life, and slowed down enough to hear my heart speak and my soul hum. I am still learning to listen to the Universal truths and not just my own.

Cancer became a four-letter word in my family and has taken a backseat for now. Praise. And hallelujah. And AMEN…

So many struggles. The most challenging year. But the most rewarding growth. Powerful year of recognition and gloves off kind of grappling. Sitting alone with myself. Searching. Digging. Finding words. And honoring. I am done. Done with the lessons you cast my way. Done with self I have outgrown. Even in future repetitions, I will honor the transformation in each new layer slayed.

2015… I can only hope you are as full of adventure and expansion. Time to test the waters. Step in. Let’s go for a swim.

A lifetime with friends

sex & the city

Almost 18 years ago… (17 and 49 weeks to be exact) I packed up my belongings in NYC, hugged one of my dearest friends goodbye, and moved on to my next adventure in life. Next week I will finally get to see that friend once again. To laugh together. Celebrate together. And just BE. I can’t say that I have been any more excited this summer than I am to make this lil’ trip north to Tarheel Country and give this gal a proper Southern welcome. Bring on the hugs, smiles, laughter, and wine… It’s about time to cut loose!

I think for each of us there are friendships that come and go like the changing of tides. Some remain steadfast as the pines, while those others slip away having changed us in the process. Stay or go, they all serve to nurture, provide strength and support, and help us grow as humans. I have learned this year that while my heart longs to love, nurture and stay loyal to all friendships; not all should remain active and close. It was a hard, necessary lesson.

Then, there are the ones that stick forever, regardless of space & time. These are the ones that 18 years can pass out of circumstance yet the smiles and laughter never miss a beat in reunion. The ones that fill your heart with joy with an out-of-the-blue phone call, e-mail, or random dug-up picture of past escapades. For instance, my friend, Julie, surprised me this year with a tagged post of a note I had given her on her birthday many years past. The smile that exploded on my face and in my heart was such a sweet reminder of a sister-love that will never die. I haven’t seen her in too many years to even recall. She lives in my heart though. And forever will. Should we not meet again in this lifetime her essence will live on in me through the next.

We all need friends like that. They change us. Imprint their spirits on our hearts. It is in true friendship that we learn how to be the humans we were meant to be.  tweet We see, hear, and feel the things that we most admire in others and weave those behaviors into the fibers that are us. As life goes on, we each become a little more of the people who have touched our lives along the journey.

I hope you know who yours are and have been… A lifetime is being built on their shoulders.

Love & Light