As 2015 peeks around the sun making her descent in a Western sky, it is time to bid adieu to the year in my rearview…
2014. I am in awe. In awe at all that was, has been, and promises to be. Many challenges, many hoorahs, many tears, some good-byes, some re-acquaintances. Bruised some hearts, including my own. Fallen into the abyss and pulled my way back out. When anxiety knocked, I prevailed. When depression shadowed my soul, I searched for the bright, shining light all around. I accepted challenges; which scared me beyond recognition of the brave, strong-willed girl I know myself to be. I cried out of fear when I didn’t believe in myself. I repeatedly fell into the arms of someone who never seems to lose faith. Sainthood should prevail here.
I climbed, crawled, ran, pulled, hoisted, swam, threw, slid, traversed, and scaled my way through ¾ of the year. In mud. With some of the best friends a girl could find. I found a strength I never knew I had. I spread love of fitness and health in three countries. I poured that same love out to many trusting souls right here in SC. Many days all while searching for a lifeline myself.
I wrote. Until my heart bled. Until the anxiety poured out of me. Creativity seeped from me. Nature influenced me. Photography inspired me. I saw this beautiful world with bright, new, shining eyes. I chased the dawn of day and sunsets every chance I got. I learned amazing things about myself through my daily surroundings. And yet, I still struggled with the reoccurring themes of my life that love to creep in again like old, welcome friends. I have learned, too, that there are lessons in the questions. And beauty in the lessons. And that above all, I am beauty. Equally so in both the dark and the shining moments that shape my days and years.
I felt invisible, invalid, unworthy, and sad from the negative self-talk. I rebounded with strength, reclaimed the most important things in life, and slowed down enough to hear my heart speak and my soul hum. I am still learning to listen to the Universal truths and not just my own.
Cancer became a four-letter word in my family and has taken a backseat for now. Praise. And hallelujah. And AMEN…
So many struggles. The most challenging year. But the most rewarding growth. Powerful year of recognition and gloves off kind of grappling. Sitting alone with myself. Searching. Digging. Finding words. And honoring. I am done. Done with the lessons you cast my way. Done with self I have outgrown. Even in future repetitions, I will honor the transformation in each new layer slayed.
2015… I can only hope you are as full of adventure and expansion. Time to test the waters. Step in. Let’s go for a swim.