What would you do if you had no fears? Would you stay where you are or find another path? Is where you are now your passion, your gift? Or is it somewhere out there, known or unknown, beckoning you to seek the truth of your heart?
What if I told you I don’t really know the answer either. I am stuck, scared and anxious. But am I so much of these things that I am unwilling to change? I feel a renaissance on the horizon. I feel like I am on the ledge of a precipice and the time has come to just do it – just jump and hope like hell the parachute opens. I am done with pretense, with not honoring my deepest desires, done with the BS! The time is here – who is going to join me?
Restlessness is a tough state in which to reside. It is hard to admit our fears and anxiety – our short-comings – mistakes – but if we don’t turn them over, magnify them, turn them inside out and truly examine them – how can we consciously correct them, move past and move on – true to ourselves?
I am realizing that I have lost myself. HA! I say that as if I woke up from a dream and had my answer suddenly. That’s not really how it happens, or happened for me. The heart doesn’t suddenly decide it feels this way or that way. The soul doesn’t change on a whim to a before and after. In reality, they have both been whispering their disapproval for a long time. That uneasy, restless, uncomfortable in my own skin feeling every Fall and other times in between, that seemed to be coming at shorter and closer intervals. That “I just want to GO!” feeling. Go anywhere. Home. Away. Here. There. But not inside. Not to work. Not to the gym. Not to all I have known for many years feeling. Ok. So. Where to now? How do I reconcile this epiphany of “lostness” with the real life togetherness of a marriage that I love, a job that I need? How do I marry the intense desire to stay connected with my yearning to be individual? This is where I don’t have the answers just yet… hopefully we can find it together… through writing, sharing, communicating the things that matter to us all.
Let’s begin a journey to liberation…
Love & Light